The Robot Press

Super Smash Brothers Brawl on Wii

2006-05-11T15:28:00.000-05:00

This looks to be kickin' rad and will be a serious factor in my future personal game system purchase. The inclusion of Metaknight in the game has me particularily excited, though Snake being in it is rather cool.

NIGHT OF FIRE

2006-05-09T21:17:00.000-05:00

This is a very odd cover of the europop hit Night of Fire, by the HINOI Team, with supporting singer Korikki (a wrestler). Hinoi Team is a J-Pop girl group formed around Asuka Hinoi with supporting members Keika Matsuoka, Hikaru Koyama, and Rina Takenaka. Most of their releases (such as this one) are covers of Europop songs. Check it out for hot japanese chicks and hilarity.

The World of Warcraft Movie

2006-05-09T15:33:00.000-05:00

Warner Bros.-based Legendary Pictures has picked up film rights to adapt the popular fantasy video game franchise World of Warcraft and will develop the project with game publisher Blizzard Entertainment, which is owned by Vivendi.

At least Uwe Boll won't get his hands on this one.

Read More (NY TIMES)

Snakes on a Plane

2006-05-04T19:57:00.000-05:00

Slated for release by New Line Cinema August 18, Snakes on a Plane is a modern action movie starring Samuel L. Jackson as FBI agent Nelville Flynn. Nelville and partner John Saunders (Mark Houghton) escort John Saunders (Mark Houghton), a former Mafia member, to testify in a highly publicized case that could bring down said Mafia. In the course of a flight between Hawaii and California, an assassin pays airport security to sneak a time-release crate of 400 snakes of various sizes on board in the hope of killing the witness.

The movie has recently received mass anticipation from the internet as a result of its excellent title and premise. At one point, the film's title was switched to Pacific Air Flight 121. In August 2005, a disgruntled Samuel L. Jackson told an interviewer, "We're totally changing that back. That's the only reason I took the job: I read the title." In another interview in early 2006, Jackson claimed that once he learned about the movie title being changed he said: "What are you doing here? It's not Gone with the Wind. It's not On the Waterfront. It's Snakes on a Plane!" The film was soon reverted to the working title of Snakes on a Plane.

In the realm of the web, the somethingawful.com forum goons and other web communities are responsible for increasing the hype for this film to a high degree. In recognition of the unprecedented Internet buzz for what had been a minor movie in their 2006 line-up, New Line Cinema ordered five days of additional shooting in early March 2006. While re-shoots normally imply problems with a film, the producers opted to add new scenes to the film to take the movie from PG-13 into R-rated territory and bring the movie in line with the growing fan expectation. Among the reported additions is a line that originated as an Internet parody of Samuel L. Jackson's traditional movie persona: "That's IT! I want the motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!".

Teaser Trailer:

The Obligatory Carmen Electra Post

2006-05-04T19:07:00.000-05:00

Carmen Electra, doing what she does best. Possible NWS, but for reasons of sexiness, not for nudity.

Custom Cloud Strife Lego Set (Final Fantasy 7)

2006-05-04T18:30:00.000-05:00

A particularily skilled lego mod artist is selling a custom Cloud Strife lego character with buster sword on ebay. The character itself is made out of basic lego pieces with painted on additions and sculpy clay hair.

The same artist has done numerous other customs in the past that are particularily cool any you are advised to check them out.

Dark Side of the Moon A Capella

2006-05-04T18:04:00.000-05:00

""Dark Side of the Moon A Cappella" is an all-vocal version of Pink Floyd's magnum opus "Dark Side of the Moon." No instruments were used in the recording of this unique version of the album. Eight singers and one "vocal percussionist" (similar to a beatboxer) recreate the original work in its entirety.

The album was recorded in High Definition, without breaks between the tracks (as in the original), and is as close to the original in timing as possible, thus preserving its "Wizard of Oz Compatibility." Produced and mixed by the renowned a cappella Producer, Freddie Feldman, this recording breaks new ground in both the worlds of a cappella and rock.

Dark Side of the Moon A Cappella has been nominated for Best Pop/Rock Album in the 2006 Contemporary A Cappella Recording Awards (CARAs)."

Give their version of "Time" a shot, the intro for it is truly epic, and when I say epic, I mean hilarious.
Listen

Fuck the RIAA

2006-05-04T17:36:00.000-05:00

The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) is on a rampage, launching legal attacks against average Americans from coast to coast. After over 18,000 lawsuits and counting against P2P users, file sharing has continued to increase rapidly. Meanwhile, music fans, like 12 year-old Brittany LaHara, college student Cassi Hunt, and parent of five Cecilia Gonzalez, are being forced to pay thousands of dollars they do not have to settle RIAA-member lawsuits, and many other innocent individuals are being caught in the crossfire.

This irrational crusade is not generating a single penny for the artists that the RIAA claims to protect. The RIAA should be working to create a rational, legal means by which its customers can take advantage of file sharing technology and pay a fair price for the music they love. With artists increasingly turning against the lawsuits, momentum may be shifting in favor of a better way forward.

Copyright law shouldn't make criminals out of more than 60 million Americans — tell Congress that it's time to stop the madness!

We have 73044 signatures so far - this is amazing! If we can get 100,000 signatures, we will deliver the petition to the Senate and House Commerce and Judiciary Commitees.

Link

Koko loves him some Boobies

2006-03-14T21:49:00.000-06:00

"Women sacked 'for not baring breasts to gorilla'

Two former caretakers who refused to bare their breasts to a 300lb (136kg) sign language-speaking gorilla named Koko have settled a lawsuit against the Gorilla Foundation. Nancy Alperin and Kendra Keller said that they were dismissed after they refused to expose their bosoms and reported sanitary problems at Koko’s home in Woodside, south of San Francisco. They were told that if they “did not indulge Koko’s nipple fetish, their employment with the Gorilla Foundation would suffer”, their claim alleged. Ms Alperin and Ms Keller said that Francine Patterson, Koko’s caretaker and president of the Gorilla Foundation, pushed them to bare their breasts to bond with the 33-year-old female simian. The foundation has denied the allegations. The settlement’s terms were not disclosed. (AP)"

from Times Online

Geoge Lucas predicts the death of Big Budget Movies

2006-03-06T11:23:00.000-06:00

"'The market forces that exist today make it unrealistic to spend $200 million on a movie,' said Lucas, a near-billionaire from his feverishly franchised outer-space epics. 'Those movies can't make their money back anymore. Look at what happened with King Kong.'" Lucas' prediction: "In the future, almost everything that gets shown in theaters will be indie movies ... I predict that by 2025 the average movie will cost only $15 million.""

from the New York Daily News

We'll just have to see then, won't we?

Another Awesome Quote List

2006-01-22T00:18:00.000-06:00

Time to take a break from the news so that I can list some quotes from everyone's favorite assassin droid, HK-47. (See KOTOR for more info)

"Commentary: The meatbag speaks without clarity. Detail your involvement or the master will splatter your organs all over the floor."

"Suggestion: Shall we find something to kill to cheer ourselves up?"

"Statement: I have already learned a great deal, master, and I am anxious to learn more of lying, betrayal, and new ways to harm innocents."

"Exclamation: No! Master, no! What are you doing?"

"Conclusion: Still there was a brief moment where I felt like I almost understood why some meatbags choose peace and friendship over a high-powered blaster carbine."

"If you will excuse me, I will meditate on the face of my old master as he was being electrocuted. I find it most soothing."

"I think he is making fun of you, Master. Shall i proceed with wasting the Meatbag?"

"Deceit: Nothing to see here miss, just a regular droid. Move along, move along."

"I therefore make no claim to that designation, prospective buyer. I am a law-abiding droid. Yes, indeed, law-abiding, that's me!"

"Translation: 98% probability that members of the miniature organic's tribe are being held by Sand People, master. Doubtless he wishes assistance. 2% probability that the miniature organic is simply looking for trouble and needs to be blasted. That may be wishful thinking on my part, master."

Update to the Potion Story

2006-01-20T15:36:00.000-06:00

"Osaka’s Suntory Beverages is launching the Final Fantasy XII Potion on March 7, a week before the PS2 title hits shelves and sends RPG fans into a frenzy. A 120 ml plain Jane bottle goes for 191 yen (about $1.60 US), while the Premium Set commands 600 yen ($5.75). The Premium Set is limited to 3 million boxes that include one art card and a special 100 ml bottle of Potion. So for more money, you get less to drink. Guess that’s okay for collectors, but sucks if you’re thirsty."

from Kotaku

Hangin'

2006-01-20T15:27:00.000-06:00

Sorry, but it was absolutely necessary that I take up valuable newsspace for this.

Star Wars - Empire At War Demo Available

2006-01-18T15:39:00.000-06:00

GameSpot has the official demo for the Star Wars-themed RTS game, Empire at War available for download. You can *legally* get it at any of the following locales. Included in the demo are five tutorials and one galactic conquest map, although only a limited amount of units are available to use. (just like any other demo)

GameSpot - Worthplaying - 3D Gamers

Personally, I am intrigued and will probably end up getting a copy for myself.

7 and 9 year old perform Lazy Sunday

2006-01-18T05:23:00.000-06:00

Awesome

Need I say more?

Rubik's Cube Solved in 11.13 seconds

2006-01-17T20:57:00.000-06:00

"A 20-year-old California Institute of Technology student set a new world's record Saturday for solving the popular Rubik's Cube puzzle, turning the tiled brain-twister from scrambled to solved in 11.13 seconds.

Leyan Lo is part of Caltech's Rubik's Cube Club, a brainy clutch of students that hosted the competition at the Exploratorium museum in San Francisco. Lo's record-setting time came early in the day, among his first five tries in the preliminary rounds.

The record-setting solve caught competitors and Lo himself by surprise."

from MSNBC

Mario Works the Streets

2006-01-12T22:55:00.000-06:00

It'sa Him! It'sa Him! Looks like he's getting rid of Luigi once and for all. ;)

Fuzzy D20's for your Rearview Mirror

2006-01-09T05:21:00.000-06:00

True, 6-sided fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view mirror may be overdone and cliche, but 20-sided dice, that is a different story. Time to replace that ratty, dangling high school tassel with something more fitting of a geek. Think of these fuzzy icosahedrons (that's a 20-sided polyhedron for the math-impaired) as a fantasy muse, inspiring you as you drive, conjuring images of dungeon crawling, orc whacking, and critical hitting.

Get your own pair for $9.95 at Jinx

Star Wars - Empire At War

2006-01-08T20:34:00.000-06:00

Another great game in development, or so I am guessing: Star Wars - Empire at War. It is scheduled for release on February 7.

Empire At War is the latest attempt to emulate large scale Star Wars battles. It focuses on the struggle between the empire and the rebels that begins in the time frame between episode 3 and episode 4.

It is being developed by Petroglyph, which is comprised of many former members of Westwood Studios, best known for their work on the Command and Conquer series. Empire at War uses an entirely new engine that Petroglyph developed, known only as Alamo. It uses several higher-end shader effects such as soft shadows, specular lighting, and particle effects for dust clouds and explosions.

Empire at War features beautifully rendered land and space battles set on memorial planets such as Yavin 4, Tatooine, and Dagobah, as well as never-before-seen environments taken directly from the Star Wars films and Expanded Universe novels.

Memorable Star Wars hero characters can be brought into the action to help turn the tide of the battle as players build, manage, and upgrade their space and ground-based units, vehicles, troops and base structures. All of the gameplay and action within Empire at War is persistent, meaning that strategic and tactical elements from events will have a permanent effect on the galaxy. In addition to the Single-Player campaign mode, the game includes a two-player campaign mode and online skirmish modes for up to eight players.

Official Website

Pimpin in Sweden - Ice Hotel

2006-01-08T12:13:00.000-06:00

"ICEHOTEL, now in its thirteenth year, is continuing its successful and celebrated career as the world's biggest hotel made entirely of ice and snow. From its modest beginnings as a single room thirteen years ago, ICEHOTEL has grown to 5,000 square metres built of 30,000 tons of snow and 4,000 tons of ice.

In the winter season 2001/ 2002, more than 14,000 guests spent the night in ICEHOTEL and 37,000 day visitors walked in through the reindeer-skin covered doors. In this 60-room wintry fairy-tale land, there is a hotel reception, hall of pillars, Iceart exhibition, ABSOLUT ICEBAR, Icehotel cinema, the fantastic Icechurch and of course hotel rooms. In the evening, the guests assemble in ABSOLUT ICEBAR to have a drink "in the rocks" from iceglasses sculpted from the ice of the River Torne.

A new chapter began in winter 2003 with the construction of "Ice Globe Theatre" - a replica of Shakespeare's "Globe Theatre" on the Thames in London. The project attracted large numbers of guests to the region. The building was a highly interesting challenge in its own right, and the goal was to unite that bastion of the Thespian arts, The Globe, with the beauty and magic of ICEHOTEL.

Of ICEHOTEL itself, the sculptors save just a few works of art from the preceding winter season in the Art Center, and the rest of the hotel is left to melt away. Nature's own short-term gift gives an opportunity to experiment with form, space, and technique every year; and just like snow flakes, no two ICEHOTELS are ever identical. The beauty, and the parts we are not completely happy with, run back into the River Torne and make way for next winter's version of ICEHOTEL. From this river, the ideas of the summer shall find expression in the creations of the coming winter.
From the river came the ice, and to the river it shall return; all that will remain are memories."

From http://icehotel.com/

Pizza Man Attacked By Five Young Girls

2006-01-07T00:45:00.000-06:00

From Tampa Bay's Ten News:

A pizza delivery man in Cincinnati has told police he was the victim of a robbery attempt yesterday -- by a pack of girls.

Police say he described his assailants as five very young girls. Investigators believe they're looking for suspects in the eleven-to-14 age group. A police captain says it's a little disturbing. The 21-year-old delivery man says the girls tried to take the pizza from him and ended up knocking him to the ground.

But he wasn't hurt, and nothing was taken. He says when he arrived at the spot where he was supposed to deliver the pie, it seemed the girls were waiting for him. Police are looking into whether they were the ones who phoned in the order.

A Moment of Zen

2006-01-06T17:02:00.000-06:00

As per BoingBoing.

Back From Vacation

2006-01-04T16:27:00.000-06:00

Now the news flow can begin in earnest. It was a slow news week in any case. You didn't miss much *good* news anyway. Furthermore, vacation being over makes me sad.

WoW: 18,000 People Banned

2005-12-22T22:08:00.000-06:00

Yes, another WoW post, but in a bold but innefectual play to stop cheaters, dupers, and "griefers" as Microsoft is wont to call them, Blizzard has closed 18,000 accounts permanently which were in violations of the terms of service.

This probably won't have much effect, as people involved in gold farming and reselling wouldn't be so angry with the closing of one account. A rough estimate of the people banned per server is about 100 or so, so the impact on the game itself isn't great.

Official Site - World of Warcraft

The Chappelle Theory

2005-12-21T19:29:00.000-06:00

I recently found a link to this site, which details the reasons for the end of the hit tv show "Chappelle's Show" and for Chappelle leaving for South Africa. If it is at possible, I now hate Al Sharpton and Oprah "Satan" Windrey even more than I did before. (Not to mention Bill Cosby, who was unfunny to begin with)

It starts off by offering a brief history of Chappelle's Show, and then going into detail about an alleged conspiracy between Oprah, Sharpton, Cosby, Louis Farrakhan, and other influential black leaders. Among the most disturbing highlights are as follows:

"The package — which arrived via UPS — contained a picture of Chappelle's sleeping children, taken the night before in Chappelle's house."

"Chappelle emerged from the shower one morning to find the three men sitting in his bathroom. By Chappelle's account, they told him "If we can get into your home this easily David, imagine what we can do to you if we really wanted to hurt you. If you don't tone down your show, maybe the next time we're in your bathroom, we'll be waiting for your wife or children to get out of the shower — not you."

"...while watching an episode of the Oprah Winfrey show, Chappelle recalled being completely stunned when Winfrey turned to the camera in the middle of interviewing Tom Cruise and said "Dave Chappelle, you should be ashamed of yourself for airing that Niggars sketch on your show this week, I'm going to make sure you never work in Hollywood again."

The image, allegedly taped by Winfrey, and transmitted to Chappelle's house under the direction of Robert L. Johnson who called in some favors with Chappelle's local affiliate station manager, terrified Chappelle."

The Theory

Pimp My Dumptruck

2005-12-21T19:05:00.000-06:00

Enough Said. Check out a page filled with veritably pimped dumptrucks.

Awesome Lego Porn

2005-12-21T18:23:00.000-06:00

That's right. Lego Porn. You know you want it.

(The Second One is the best)

Link

Last Minute Christmas Gifts for People You Hate

2005-12-21T17:59:00.000-06:00

Daniel Hodges provides us with this informative guide which gives a handy source of information for those of you who haven't gotten around to getting that special gift for that hated someone.

I know I will be making use of it.

Link

Goodbye Firefly

2005-12-20T19:02:00.000-06:00

The end has come. Apparently, the lack of success for the movie Serenity (released on DVD today) has caused Joss Whedon to abandon the series.

Entertainment Weekly writes:
Alas, Whedon's fond memories are also tainted by Serenity's status as a franchise nonstarter; despite Universal's best marketing efforts, the film only mustered $25 million. ''In the end, it was what it was: a tough sell,'' says Whedon, adding that it appears the Firefly saga has reached its conclusion. He has no regrets — and he's moving on.

Star Wars is Better with Pants

2005-12-20T16:39:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine sent me these and I simply had to post them despite the probable length of time they have been around. Essentially, these are all quotes taken from Star Wars with the word "Pants" substituted in for certain words.

1) We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.

2) I find your lack of pants disturbing.

3) Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!

4) General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.

5) You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.

6) That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!

7) Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily
guarded than this.

8) Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the
first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

9) I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.

10) Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

Play is Spartan "Nicole" in DOA 4

2005-12-17T11:22:00.000-06:00

That's right, you will be able to play as a spartan in 360's Dead Or Alive 4, though it won't be an appearance by Master Chief as many previously assumed. In fact, it will be a new spartan going by the name "Nicole". Freakin' Sweeeet.

From Gamespot: “She’s young, leggy, tall, and can kick your butt with both hands tied behind her back. Spartan 458, also known as Nicole, is Bungie’s guest fighter in Dead or Alive 4, which is due to hit Xbox 360s soon.”

“Nicole was abducted into the Spartan training program at the age of 6–like most enrolled in the Spartan program, including John ‘Master Chief’ 117–and she was 21 years old when her ship slipped into a “bubble” in the space-time continuum. Charged with the duty of protecting the secrets of her classified mission, Nicole takes on all comers, even buxom DOA characters such as Kasumi.

Her measurements are an Amazonian 49-30-41, and her 6′8″, 370-pound frame (7′2″, 980 pounds with the Mjolnir armor on) would easily make her the Shaquille O’Neal of today’s WNBA. Even with such a carriage to pull around, Bungie touts her agility in the arena. ‘When Nicole fights, you believe it. Punches are quick and brutal. Kicks are telegraphed, and pack incredible force,’ reads a post on Bungie’s site.”

Rise of Legends

2005-12-17T10:54:00.000-06:00

Well it looks like Big Huge Games has, in the words of Tycho Brahe, finally gone "totally batshit insane" with the game Rise of Legends. The screenshots alone equate to a thing of beauty. I will be getting this game.

"Simply Put: Holy f@#k." ~ Voodoo Extreme

Here, have another Screenshot:
You can find more screens here or at the BHG official site.

Christmas in Azeroth (WoW)

2005-12-15T22:30:00.000-06:00

Obligatory WoW picture celebrating the holidays. P. A. R. T Y? Cuz I got to. As seen at Penny Arcade.

Cthulhu Dildo Cthozy

2005-12-14T18:35:00.000-06:00

This hand-crafted sex toy is a physical manifestation of evil.

nezumiworkswrites:
"100% acrylic, the Great Old One is suitable for those with wool allergies, and is technically washable, if relatively fragile. Putting him in a pillowcase, although it's an insult to the Elder Gods, might be appropriate."

This is one of a kind and will be the only one sold, so get it now while you have the chance.

Keep your tentacle warm here.

Save American Edit

2005-12-13T16:39:00.000-06:00

Due to Warner Brothers' attempts to stop the mashup album "American Edit" by Dean Gray, today is national Dean Gray Tuesday, in which people are trying to save the album by mirroring it across the web. You can get it here.

Game: Jedi Trainer

2005-12-12T21:47:00.000-06:00

This game is pure awesome. Check it out here.

Update Xbox 360 Prices Slashed

2005-12-12T20:06:00.000-06:00

Apparently, The Xbox machine is so unpopular in Japan that retailers have begun to slash prices from about $350 US to roughly $150 US, mere days after the Japanese launch. Since they aren't selling and the machines can't be returned to Microsoft due to contractual obligations, the retailers are forced to offer a "discount".

If only this was happening here in America. Sometimes it just sucks to be an American. Though not as bad as being Canadian. ; )
Link

Halo goes 2D

2005-12-12T19:03:00.000-06:00

A new freeware game has been released based on the Halo series entitled Halo Zero. I haven't played it as of yet, but it looks to be pretty good quality for a freeware release based on the screenshots I have seen. The adventure has a single player mode with multiple skill types and a multiplayer mode. Perhaps I'll post a review or something later.

*Edit
Actually a very well made game. 10 points for Gryffindor.

Link

Retro Mobile Phone Headsets

2005-12-12T18:09:00.000-06:00

I caught this article on the boing-low and it was just too irresistable to pass up. Apparently, people are now attaching landline phone headsets to their mobile phones and customizing them with glitter and the like. I don't see how this doesn't defeat the purpose of having a mobile phone, but that's okay. Such a headset can be found here, and you can catch the original article right friggin here.

Japanese Don't Give a Damn about Xbox 360

2005-12-11T13:29:00.000-06:00

If you have any "gaming cred" at all , you undoubtably know of the shortage of Xbox 360's in America and the outrageous prices they are being sold for on EBay and other similar websites. The story is completely different in Japan however, as the machine is much less popular there. When a Yodobashi Camera worker was asked if he thought the new system would sell out in the first day, his response was a simple "probably not."

The store chosen was for this foray into nerddom was a major gaming depot in which the PSP quickly sold out, and if any store were to sell out, it would have been here. When the author left, there were literally crates of the Xboxy goodness sitting around.

Get the full story here.

Richard Pryor dies at 65

2005-12-11T13:04:00.000-06:00

After a long battle with multiple sclerosis, a comedy legend has died today at the age of 65. As one of the most influential actors/comedians in Hollywood, his presence will be sorely missed.

http://www.cbc.ca/storyview/MSN/world/national/2005/12/10/pryor-051210.html

Zero Gravity Sports League in Development

2005-12-11T00:07:00.000-06:00

In a fashion similar to the game played in the battle room of Ender's Game, a new game is being developed for zero-g, only with more ball and less laser. The working title of the game is Paraball - short for parabolic football. Simply Awesome.

check it out:
http://www.space.com/missionlaunches/051209_spacesports.html

Awesome Urban Dictionary Entries

2005-12-10T21:46:00.000-06:00

Not exactly a news post per se, but I thought it would be rather fun to browse urban dictionary and report some of my more "intellectual" findings. Here goes nothing... (May Contain Sexually Explicit Content. After all, we are talking about Urban Dictionary here)

1) Purple Drank - "Purple Drank, This Is What Causes Slured Words, Down South We Know It Best, Whether You Got That Fat Ass Blunt Laced With That Purple Lean AKA Liquid Codeine, Or You Just Po'n It Up, You Bound To Feel Better, Prescription Purple Got You Feelin The Best Of The Best Down South Reppin 580 Got That C Across My Chest."

2) Botard - "A large black trashbag full of piping hot semen which is typically used in practical jokes. Occassionally, to their horror, a person might wake up inside of one."

3) Tara Reid - "A hot-air balloon"

4) Helicopter - "The helicopter is a very difficult (and awkward, don't forget awkward) but fulfilling sexual position. It is performed by the man who, while fully erect and inside the woman (... or whatever.), proceeds to turn his entire body in a circle around the woman. All the while turning his penis inside the woman's vagina (... or whatever.)."

5) Tony Danza - "When you are giving it to a chick from behind, you yell out "Who's the boss?" She'll get confused, turn her head around, at this moment, you donkey punch her in the face and then scream TONY DANZA!!!"

Map of the World by Population

2005-12-10T21:42:00.000-06:00

I found this map to be rather interesting. It is a map of the world with countries sized based on their relative population. Obviously, Asia if bloody huge. If there were to be a purely infantry battle between the west and the east, the west would get wiped out.

Check it out here:
http://www.odt.org/Pictures/poplcart.jpg

Quotes: Top 10 Chuck Norris Quotes

2005-12-08T21:35:00.000-06:00

10) Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

9) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

8) Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

7) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

6) Chuck Norris was with a good friend when he was suddenly attacked by a ninja. He easily defeated him by throwing him out the window. His friend commented by humorously saying, "Looks like that guy got 'chucked' out the window!" Chuck Norris was confused at the mention of his name, and roundhouse kicked his friend through a wall.

5) The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood.

4) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

3) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

2) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

1) Chuck Norris just saved a ton of money on his car insurance. Then he kicked somebody in the face.

Images: A Barrage of Awesome Pictures

2005-12-08T19:23:00.000-06:00

Another new column here at the robot press, the images category. Enjoy.

And that's all for today. Stick around for more - though I can't guarantee a specific date for the next image column so I guess it sucks to be you.

Oh No Robot Comic Search

2005-12-08T18:15:00.000-06:00

This is an incredibly useful tool that allows users to search for webcomics based on the text in their speech bubbles. Personally, I think this is just what the web needed, as I have often wanted to find a specific comic on been frustrated by webcomic archival defeat. Unfortunately, since it is fairly recent and the quotes are submitted by random people, it is far from complete and doesn't cover such comics as Penny Arcade, VGCats, and Control Alt Delete.

http://www.ohnorobot.com/index.pl?inct=1&show=advanced

Brawl in which deer leg was used as weapon

2005-12-07T23:17:00.000-06:00

Enough said.

http://www.centredaily.com/mld/centredaily/13311858.htm

Sex in the Hallway?

2005-12-07T23:11:00.000-06:00

These two students were dumb enough to "get their swerve on" as it were in a school hallway, as if they wouldn't be caught in their act of indiscretion. However, It probably was an amusing event for the two-dozen or so viewers.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10286853/from/RL.5/

Whatever Happened to Donkey Lips?

2005-12-07T23:04:00.000-06:00

...the cliche fat kid from the early 90's nickelodeon show, Salute Your Shorts. (Camp Onowana, we hold you in our hearts...and when we think about you, it makes us wanna fart) What happened to him you say?

http://orlandounderground.com/donkeylips/
or his personal myspace page
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=29358052

The Alibi Network

2005-12-07T23:00:00.000-06:00

Need an alibi for any occasion? Extra marital affairs? Pokemon Card Tournament? The alibi network can hook you up for a small fee.

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=bizarre&id=3701373

Remote Paintball LIVE

2005-12-07T22:42:00.000-06:00

This is a few days old, but it's just too awesome to not post. At this website, you remotely control a paintball gun to, well- you'll see.

http://www.live-paintball.com/free_video_preview.cfm

Gem-Encrusted Brass Knuckles

2005-12-07T22:34:00.000-06:00

A product almost on par with the dog-powered scooter, these knuckles add +1 to your Pimpliciousness roll and are known for their ability to glow a bluish color when orcs are nearby. Don't be caught in the Mines of Moria without them.

http://mgrsti1856q.seamlesstech.biz/Templates/frmTemplateM.asp?CatalogID=710&Zoom=Yes&SubFolderId=72

X-Men 3, and some erroneus related data..

2005-12-07T22:08:00.000-06:00

Kelsey Grammar is playing the Beast? Frasier? Beast? ...

Frasier?

http://www.usatoday.com/life/gallery/2005/x3/flash.htm

Whoops-

2005-12-07T22:06:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the lack of recent posts guys. My only excuse is that Star Wars: Kotor is an awesome game. Some of you will understand. Now back to the news...

Movie Review: Aeon Flux

2005-12-02T21:55:00.000-06:00

In the year 2011, a virus kills 99% percent of the world's population.

Set 400 years in the future, this film follows the path of Aeon (Charlize Theron) as she unravels the secrets of the totalitarian regime that governs a society of the only remaining Humans. To say much more would be to fill this beast of an article with spoilers, so I'll keep my mouth shut. On to the ratings...

Effects: A+
This movie is very well done visually and leaves little room for improvement.

Story: A-
A cleverly written film despite a cliche or two.

Soundtrack: A-
Fits well with the film, but not quite an A.

Amazyeringness: A-
A very cool and well done movie, although it seemed a bit incomplete for some reason. Hmm.

Random Violence & Sex Scenes: A-
PG-13, so lacking in certain areas that make films awesome. Females can disregard this category and factor it themselves, because everyone knows that women don't like violence or sex. For it's rating level, there was enough, particularily in the category of violence. (Nothing as awesome is seen in films like The Boondock Saints, The Matrix, or Equilibrium however)

Overall: A-
I rather enjoyed this film and highly recommend it. Very well put together and better than most films you see go through the theater gauntlet. Represent.

Story of the Year: Squirrels Kill Dog

2005-12-02T15:51:00.000-06:00

IN another dog-themed article, a stray dog was bitten to death by a ravenous pack of russian black squirrels yesterday.

"They literally gutted the dog," local journalist Anastasia Trubitsina told Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper.

The dog was wandering around a park, when it noticed several squirrels in a tree and proceeded to bark at them. Apparently agitated, they descended the tree and ripped the dog apart. When people nearby tried to stop them, they took off, some carrying chunks of meat.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4489792.stm

Dog-Powered Scooter

2005-12-01T21:35:00.000-06:00

This needs no introduction. Best Product ever.

http://www.dogpoweredscooter.com/

Quotes: 10 Awesome Quotations

2005-12-01T21:08:00.000-06:00

This is a new column we'll be starting here at The Robot Press, entitled simply "quotes". Since I am somewhat of a quote junkie, it is only fitting that I begin the first of several columns that will eventually be running on this site with quotes. There is no particular category for today, lets just say that it's 10 ten random humorous quotes. Let's Roll.

10) @rtav: CaptainX, It is considered outdated and sexist to refer to your barbecue with "her", unless it is an erotic barbecue with the erotic feature set of a woman. Then I propose that you are confusing a hooker with a barbecue. To determine once and for all whether you are dealing with a barbecue or a hooker, simply light it on fire. If it runs, you are dealing with a hooker. If it does not, you are either dealing with a barbecue or a dead hooker.

9) Z28': First of all my dad has a pretty large penis...

8) Donna: Where's my cat?
Rocco: I killed your cat you druggie bitch!
Donna: What? Why?
Rocco: Because I felt it would bring closure to our relationship.
Donna: You killed my... my...
Rocco: Your what !? I'll shoot myself in the head if you can tell me that fucking cat's name. Your what!? Your precious little...
Donna: Skip... Skippy! Skippy!
Rocco: Aww...Jesus! what color was it bitch?!

7) Kevin Johnson: When I first saw you, blood went right to my genitals.

6) Daerek Hart: There’s a thing called shaken-baby syndrome that people get upset about. Personally, I think you have to give them a good shake, or they don't bake uniformly.

5) Mitch Hedburg: I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again" because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I though I might have opened the yogurt wrong...or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. "C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again." A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

4) John Stewart: Not necessarily God, just somebody with the basic skill set to create an entire working universe.

3) Superman: Some hooker made a joke about me being faster than a speeding bullet, so I tore her in half like a phonebook.

2)Pyschology Professor: The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the ‘Four F's’: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating.

1) Alan H: Seizing this rare opportunity, I motion to the airhostess and inform her that I could easily rid them of vast quantities of cumbersome beer and make this flight a lot safer for all concerned, to which she replies "Sorry sir, we don't serve drink until we are airborne." Obviously she mistook my perfectly understandable English for some alien code and I was forced to reduce my instruction to monosyllables, which was surprisingly met with compliance. Having secured something liquid refreshment, I released the hostages and returned to my seat.

Square-Enix Unveils "Potion"

2005-12-01T20:57:00.000-06:00

"Today Square Enix unveiled their first major Final Fantasy food tie in simply named 'Potion.' The drink supposedly makes you relaxed like herb tea and tastes mystical. It contains nutritional supplements so that the company can claim that the drinker might recover real life hit points.

It's set to go on sale in March 2006 to coincide with the release of Final Fantasy XII."

http://www.gamebrink.com/?news=81

Pong Clock

2005-12-01T20:20:00.000-06:00

A totally woot piece of machinery here. It is a clock that plays pong and while the score shown is the current time. Awesome.

http://mocoloco.com/archives/001766.php

This Just In: Chimpanzee Washes Cat

2005-11-30T17:38:00.000-06:00

This clip is one and the same as the one shown on The Daily Show several weeks ago. Simply epic.

http://www.devilducky.com/media/38544/

Playing Catch-Up

2005-11-30T17:15:00.000-06:00

Obviously, since The Robot Press hasn't been here since the dawn of time, it is imperative that we go through some old news, since you are so in need of historical guidance. Here we Go.

40,000 BC (approx.) - God accidently spills a bottle filled with Mankind, unleashing a terrible evil on the world.

30,000 BC - Aliens attack, nearly wiping out the human race.

30,000BC-0AD - Lots of inconsequential stuff happens.

0AD - Jesus comes and does some funky crap. Go Jesus.

Late-Nineties - Early 21st Century - Happy Cat, Conan-Gator, Cowbell, Lightning Bolt!, and other phenomena ravage the intartron.

2005 - I beat the Internet. The end guy is hard.

Hello, and Welcome to the Intartron

2005-11-30T16:55:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the Robot Press. If this is your first visit, which it most likely is, then it would be desirable for you to know that this website is a news site with info pertaining mostly to nerds, and since you are here, you are likely either a nerd, close associate(idiot) of mine, or a gangly, disenfranchised youth with nowhere else to turn. - Also Robots. If any of these descriptors pertains to you, then you are no doubt in the right place.

And we're not just a news site - we will also be having humorous things and such. Like Pictures LOLBBQ. Now go away until I post something else. You will know when this is because I have the force.