The Robot Press

Yes, another WoW post, but in a bold but innefectual play to stop cheaters, dupers, and "griefers" as Microsoft is wont to call them, Blizzard has closed 18,000 accounts permanently which were in violations of the terms of service.

This probably won't have much effect, as people involved in gold farming and reselling wouldn't be so angry with the closing of one account. A rough estimate of the people banned per server is about 100 or so, so the impact on the game itself isn't great.

Official Site - World of Warcraft

I recently found a link to this site, which details the reasons for the end of the hit tv show "Chappelle's Show" and for Chappelle leaving for South Africa. If it is at possible, I now hate Al Sharpton and Oprah "Satan" Windrey even more than I did before. (Not to mention Bill Cosby, who was unfunny to begin with)

It starts off by offering a brief history of Chappelle's Show, and then going into detail about an alleged conspiracy between Oprah, Sharpton, Cosby, Louis Farrakhan, and other influential black leaders. Among the most disturbing highlights are as follows:

"The package — which arrived via UPS — contained a picture of Chappelle's sleeping children, taken the night before in Chappelle's house."

"Chappelle emerged from the shower one morning to find the three men sitting in his bathroom. By Chappelle's account, they told him "If we can get into your home this easily David, imagine what we can do to you if we really wanted to hurt you. If you don't tone down your show, maybe the next time we're in your bathroom, we'll be waiting for your wife or children to get out of the shower — not you."

"...while watching an episode of the Oprah Winfrey show, Chappelle recalled being completely stunned when Winfrey turned to the camera in the middle of interviewing Tom Cruise and said "Dave Chappelle, you should be ashamed of yourself for airing that Niggars sketch on your show this week, I'm going to make sure you never work in Hollywood again."

The image, allegedly taped by Winfrey, and transmitted to Chappelle's house under the direction of Robert L. Johnson who called in some favors with Chappelle's local affiliate station manager, terrified Chappelle."

The Theory

Enough Said. Check out a page filled with veritably pimped dumptrucks.

That's right. Lego Porn. You know you want it.

(The Second One is the best)

Link

Daniel Hodges provides us with this informative guide which gives a handy source of information for those of you who haven't gotten around to getting that special gift for that hated someone.

I know I will be making use of it.

Link

The end has come. Apparently, the lack of success for the movie Serenity (released on DVD today) has caused Joss Whedon to abandon the series.

Entertainment Weekly writes:
Alas, Whedon's fond memories are also tainted by Serenity's status as a franchise nonstarter; despite Universal's best marketing efforts, the film only mustered $25 million. ''In the end, it was what it was: a tough sell,'' says Whedon, adding that it appears the Firefly saga has reached its conclusion. He has no regrets — and he's moving on.

A friend of mine sent me these and I simply had to post them despite the probable length of time they have been around. Essentially, these are all quotes taken from Star Wars with the word "Pants" substituted in for certain words.

1) We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.

2) I find your lack of pants disturbing.

3) Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!

4) General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.

5) You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.

6) That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!

7) Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily
guarded than this.

8) Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the
first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

9) I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.

10) Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

That's right, you will be able to play as a spartan in 360's Dead Or Alive 4, though it won't be an appearance by Master Chief as many previously assumed. In fact, it will be a new spartan going by the name "Nicole". Freakin' Sweeeet.

From Gamespot: “She’s young, leggy, tall, and can kick your butt with both hands tied behind her back. Spartan 458, also known as Nicole, is Bungie’s guest fighter in Dead or Alive 4, which is due to hit Xbox 360s soon.”

“Nicole was abducted into the Spartan training program at the age of 6–like most enrolled in the Spartan program, including John ‘Master Chief’ 117–and she was 21 years old when her ship slipped into a “bubble” in the space-time continuum. Charged with the duty of protecting the secrets of her classified mission, Nicole takes on all comers, even buxom DOA characters such as Kasumi.

Her measurements are an Amazonian 49-30-41, and her 6′8″, 370-pound frame (7′2″, 980 pounds with the Mjolnir armor on) would easily make her the Shaquille O’Neal of today’s WNBA. Even with such a carriage to pull around, Bungie touts her agility in the arena. ‘When Nicole fights, you believe it. Punches are quick and brutal. Kicks are telegraphed, and pack incredible force,’ reads a post on Bungie’s site.”

Well it looks like Big Huge Games has, in the words of Tycho Brahe, finally gone "totally batshit insane" with the game Rise of Legends. The screenshots alone equate to a thing of beauty. I will be getting this game.

"Simply Put: Holy f@#k." ~ Voodoo Extreme

Here, have another Screenshot:
You can find more screens here or at the BHG official site.

Obligatory WoW picture celebrating the holidays. P. A. R. T Y? Cuz I got to. As seen at Penny Arcade.

This hand-crafted sex toy is a physical manifestation of evil.

nezumiworkswrites:
"100% acrylic, the Great Old One is suitable for those with wool allergies, and is technically washable, if relatively fragile. Putting him in a pillowcase, although it's an insult to the Elder Gods, might be appropriate."

This is one of a kind and will be the only one sold, so get it now while you have the chance.

Keep your tentacle warm here.

Due to Warner Brothers' attempts to stop the mashup album "American Edit" by Dean Gray, today is national Dean Gray Tuesday, in which people are trying to save the album by mirroring it across the web. You can get it here.

This game is pure awesome. Check it out here.

Apparently, The Xbox machine is so unpopular in Japan that retailers have begun to slash prices from about $350 US to roughly $150 US, mere days after the Japanese launch. Since they aren't selling and the machines can't be returned to Microsoft due to contractual obligations, the retailers are forced to offer a "discount".

I caught this article on the boing-low and it was just too irresistable to pass up. Apparently, people are now attaching landline phone headsets to their mobile phones and customizing them with glitter and the like. I don't see how this doesn't defeat the purpose of having a mobile phone, but that's okay. Such a headset can be found here, and you can catch the original article right friggin here.

If you have any "gaming cred" at all , you undoubtably know of the shortage of Xbox 360's in America and the outrageous prices they are being sold for on EBay and other similar websites. The story is completely different in Japan however, as the machine is much less popular there. When a Yodobashi Camera worker was asked if he thought the new system would sell out in the first day, his response was a simple "probably not."

The store chosen was for this foray into nerddom was a major gaming depot in which the PSP quickly sold out, and if any store were to sell out, it would have been here. When the author left, there were literally crates of the Xboxy goodness sitting around.

Get the full story here.

After a long battle with multiple sclerosis, a comedy legend has died today at the age of 65. As one of the most influential actors/comedians in Hollywood, his presence will be sorely missed.

http://www.cbc.ca/storyview/MSN/world/national/2005/12/10/pryor-051210.html

In a fashion similar to the game played in the battle room of Ender's Game, a new game is being developed for zero-g, only with more ball and less laser. The working title of the game is Paraball - short for parabolic football. Simply Awesome.

check it out:
http://www.space.com/missionlaunches/051209_spacesports.html

Not exactly a news post per se, but I thought it would be rather fun to browse urban dictionary and report some of my more "intellectual" findings. Here goes nothing... (May Contain Sexually Explicit Content. After all, we are talking about Urban Dictionary here)

1) Purple Drank - "Purple Drank, This Is What Causes Slured Words, Down South We Know It Best, Whether You Got That Fat Ass Blunt Laced With That Purple Lean AKA Liquid Codeine, Or You Just Po'n It Up, You Bound To Feel Better, Prescription Purple Got You Feelin The Best Of The Best Down South Reppin 580 Got That C Across My Chest."

2) Botard - "A large black trashbag full of piping hot semen which is typically used in practical jokes. Occassionally, to their horror, a person might wake up inside of one."

3) Tara Reid - "A hot-air balloon"

4) Helicopter - "The helicopter is a very difficult (and awkward, don't forget awkward) but fulfilling sexual position. It is performed by the man who, while fully erect and inside the woman (... or whatever.), proceeds to turn his entire body in a circle around the woman. All the while turning his penis inside the woman's vagina (... or whatever.)."

5) Tony Danza - "When you are giving it to a chick from behind, you yell out "Who's the boss?" She'll get confused, turn her head around, at this moment, you donkey punch her in the face and then scream TONY DANZA!!!"

I found this map to be rather interesting. It is a map of the world with countries sized based on their relative population. Obviously, Asia if bloody huge. If there were to be a purely infantry battle between the west and the east, the west would get wiped out.

Check it out here:
http://www.odt.org/Pictures/poplcart.jpg

10) Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

9) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

8) Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

7) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

6) Chuck Norris was with a good friend when he was suddenly attacked by a ninja. He easily defeated him by throwing him out the window. His friend commented by humorously saying, "Looks like that guy got 'chucked' out the window!" Chuck Norris was confused at the mention of his name, and roundhouse kicked his friend through a wall.

5) The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood.

4) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

3) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

2) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

1) Chuck Norris just saved a ton of money on his car insurance. Then he kicked somebody in the face.

Another new column here at the robot press, the images category. Enjoy.


And that's all for today. Stick around for more - though I can't guarantee a specific date for the next image column so I guess it sucks to be you.

This is an incredibly useful tool that allows users to search for webcomics based on the text in their speech bubbles. Personally, I think this is just what the web needed, as I have often wanted to find a specific comic on been frustrated by webcomic archival defeat. Unfortunately, since it is fairly recent and the quotes are submitted by random people, it is far from complete and doesn't cover such comics as Penny Arcade, VGCats, and Control Alt Delete.

http://www.ohnorobot.com/index.pl?inct=1&show=advanced

Enough said.

http://www.centredaily.com/mld/centredaily/13311858.htm

These two students were dumb enough to "get their swerve on" as it were in a school hallway, as if they wouldn't be caught in their act of indiscretion. However, It probably was an amusing event for the two-dozen or so viewers.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10286853/from/RL.5/

...the cliche fat kid from the early 90's nickelodeon show, Salute Your Shorts. (Camp Onowana, we hold you in our hearts...and when we think about you, it makes us wanna fart) What happened to him you say?

http://orlandounderground.com/donkeylips/
or his personal myspace page
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=29358052

Need an alibi for any occasion? Extra marital affairs? Pokemon Card Tournament? The alibi network can hook you up for a small fee.

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=bizarre&id=3701373

This is a few days old, but it's just too awesome to not post. At this website, you remotely control a paintball gun to, well- you'll see.

http://www.live-paintball.com/free_video_preview.cfm

A product almost on par with the dog-powered scooter, these knuckles add +1 to your Pimpliciousness roll and are known for their ability to glow a bluish color when orcs are nearby. Don't be caught in the Mines of Moria without them.

http://mgrsti1856q.seamlesstech.biz/Templates/frmTemplateM.asp?CatalogID=710&Zoom=Yes&SubFolderId=72

Kelsey Grammar is playing the Beast? Frasier? Beast? ...

Frasier?

http://www.usatoday.com/life/gallery/2005/x3/flash.htm

Sorry for the lack of recent posts guys. My only excuse is that Star Wars: Kotor is an awesome game. Some of you will understand. Now back to the news...

In the year 2011, a virus kills 99% percent of the world's population.

Set 400 years in the future, this film follows the path of Aeon (Charlize Theron) as she unravels the secrets of the totalitarian regime that governs a society of the only remaining Humans. To say much more would be to fill this beast of an article with spoilers, so I'll keep my mouth shut. On to the ratings...

Effects: A+
This movie is very well done visually and leaves little room for improvement.

Story: A-
A cleverly written film despite a cliche or two.

Soundtrack: A-
Fits well with the film, but not quite an A.

Amazyeringness: A-
A very cool and well done movie, although it seemed a bit incomplete for some reason. Hmm.

Random Violence & Sex Scenes: A-
PG-13, so lacking in certain areas that make films awesome. Females can disregard this category and factor it themselves, because everyone knows that women don't like violence or sex. For it's rating level, there was enough, particularily in the category of violence. (Nothing as awesome is seen in films like The Boondock Saints, The Matrix, or Equilibrium however)

Overall: A-
I rather enjoyed this film and highly recommend it. Very well put together and better than most films you see go through the theater gauntlet. Represent.

IN another dog-themed article, a stray dog was bitten to death by a ravenous pack of russian black squirrels yesterday.

"They literally gutted the dog," local journalist Anastasia Trubitsina told Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper.

The dog was wandering around a park, when it noticed several squirrels in a tree and proceeded to bark at them. Apparently agitated, they descended the tree and ripped the dog apart. When people nearby tried to stop them, they took off, some carrying chunks of meat.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4489792.stm

This needs no introduction. Best Product ever.

http://www.dogpoweredscooter.com/

This is a new column we'll be starting here at The Robot Press, entitled simply "quotes". Since I am somewhat of a quote junkie, it is only fitting that I begin the first of several columns that will eventually be running on this site with quotes. There is no particular category for today, lets just say that it's 10 ten random humorous quotes. Let's Roll.

10) @rtav: CaptainX, It is considered outdated and sexist to refer to your barbecue with "her", unless it is an erotic barbecue with the erotic feature set of a woman. Then I propose that you are confusing a hooker with a barbecue. To determine once and for all whether you are dealing with a barbecue or a hooker, simply light it on fire. If it runs, you are dealing with a hooker. If it does not, you are either dealing with a barbecue or a dead hooker.

9) Z28': First of all my dad has a pretty large penis...

8) Donna: Where's my cat?
Rocco: I killed your cat you druggie bitch!
Donna: What? Why?
Rocco: Because I felt it would bring closure to our relationship.
Donna: You killed my... my...
Rocco: Your what !? I'll shoot myself in the head if you can tell me that fucking cat's name. Your what!? Your precious little...
Donna: Skip... Skippy! Skippy!
Rocco: Aww...Jesus! what color was it bitch?!

7) Kevin Johnson: When I first saw you, blood went right to my genitals.

6) Daerek Hart: There’s a thing called shaken-baby syndrome that people get upset about. Personally, I think you have to give them a good shake, or they don't bake uniformly.

5) Mitch Hedburg: I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again" because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I though I might have opened the yogurt wrong...or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. "C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again." A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

4) John Stewart: Not necessarily God, just somebody with the basic skill set to create an entire working universe.

3) Superman: Some hooker made a joke about me being faster than a speeding bullet, so I tore her in half like a phonebook.

2)Pyschology Professor: The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the ‘Four F's’: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating.

1) Alan H: Seizing this rare opportunity, I motion to the airhostess and inform her that I could easily rid them of vast quantities of cumbersome beer and make this flight a lot safer for all concerned, to which she replies "Sorry sir, we don't serve drink until we are airborne." Obviously she mistook my perfectly understandable English for some alien code and I was forced to reduce my instruction to monosyllables, which was surprisingly met with compliance. Having secured something liquid refreshment, I released the hostages and returned to my seat.

"Today Square Enix unveiled their first major Final Fantasy food tie in simply named 'Potion.' The drink supposedly makes you relaxed like herb tea and tastes mystical. It contains nutritional supplements so that the company can claim that the drinker might recover real life hit points.

It's set to go on sale in March 2006 to coincide with the release of Final Fantasy XII."

http://www.gamebrink.com/?news=81

A totally woot piece of machinery here. It is a clock that plays pong and while the score shown is the current time. Awesome.

http://mocoloco.com/archives/001766.php